Of Chess Pieces and Fan Girls
by Riza-san
Summary: The Ellimist and Crayak, bored to tears of their regular game, decide to inflict some rather...unusual torture on the Animorphs and secondary characters for their own amusement. -Crackfic
1. Prologue

**A/n: Yo everybody. Okay, this is just a random, short-chaptered, series I'm going to write. Whenever I'm bored, waiting for something to be beta-read, or just simply have nothing better to do with my life I'll just write a short, insane chapter ;D Enjoy!**

Of Chess Pieces and Fan Girls

_Prologue_

"I am bored," stated the Ellimist, one afternoon, morning or night in Z-space. Because with Z-Space, well, you can't really tell.

Crayak rolled his eye, annoyed by the Ellimist's sudden boredom. "Don't you have worlds to save? Innocent races to cry over?"

"I have already mourned over the sudden death of the Anka, the Bernansk -" and so the Ellimist went on for ten minutes straight in alphabetic order.

During this time, Crayak became more and more agitated, and eventually told the Ellimist to shut up in a language of a race out of the universe he was thrown out of. Of course, the Ellimist had no idea what Crayak was going on about so he became quite. Once Crayak realized his goal of getting the Ellimist to shut up was completed, he said;

"Perhaps it is time that we began another..."game.""

"What was it that you had in mind?" the Ellimist asked curiously, "because if it involves who gets to posses Jake's soul..."

"Oh, no, no! Of course not!" insisted Crayak, though secretly disappointed his master plan was never going to be seen through, "It will involve none of that. How about we arrange a game similar to that of Iskoort -"

"No more Iskoort," the Ellimist begged, "I can't stand those walking advertisements."

Crayak smirked triumphantly, praying that the since the Ellimist was sick of the Iskoort that perhaps he would let them fall into the hands of doom and destruction. "But Ellimist," he said with a mocking yet innocent tone, "I thought you loved the Iskoort."

"I did, until one of them tried to sell me Geico life insurance."

"Hmp, very well. So this game we shall create...will it be merely for personal entertainment?"

The Ellimist nodded, if that was even possible for a four dimensional being, "Yes. Once we have finished the game the memories of our chess pieces shall be erased, and they shall be sent back to their respective place and location in the time line."

Even though Crayak hated the Ellimist's guts, he decided that the idea wasn't so bad. He then called upon the one person he knew he could rely on to come up with a brilliant and torturing idea – his wild card, Drode.

Drode, who was totally unaware that he was even in the presence of his master and the Ellimist, leaped across the boundaries of Z-Space in a pink ballerina tutu. When he realized the dead-pan looks he was being given, the tutu instantly disappear.

"Oh, master... I was just... uh..."

"Enough of your excuses, Drode," Crayak said angrily, "Ellimist and I have agreed to play a game. However, we are stuck on ideas for what to play."

"How about Uno?" Drode suggested unhelpfully, "I am, after all, the wild card."

The Ellimist sighed, "And you ask me why I don't have an assistant."

"Oh, oh! I have a good one!" Drode said, "We can torture the Animorphs!"

The Ellimist gasped, rather astounded that Drode would even suggest such an awful thing.

"But this time not with dracon beams, evil parasitic aliens, moral and ethical torture, and soap opera action like we normally do. This time we torture them with... _fan girls_."


	2. Stalking Jake

Of Chess Pieces and Fan Girls

_Stalking Jake_

My name is Jake.

I'm not going to bother with the whole, "I can't tell you my last name, where I live..." speech. You have probably heard it a gazillion times already. So I'll just cut to the chase.

It was a normal, Yeerk-free, Friday afternoon. Which I was really glad about. On our last mission, we had barely made it out alive. I was certainly looking forward to sitting back and doing nothing. Or playing video games at Marco's house.

"Nooooooooo!" Marco called out as an opponent car knocked his Ferrari off the road. All the cars which were trailing behind him zipped pasted and through the finish line, with me in the lead.

"That was so unfair!" Marco whined, "That blue car should be disqualified for dangerous driving."

I shot Marco a glance, "Coming from you."

"Hey, my driving isn't that bad!" Marco protested, "Those trashcans were in the way!"

I smirked. "Sure they were." I looked at my watch.

"Well, you and the blue car have fun. I need to get home before dinner. Mom will throw a fit if I'm late again."

"Okay man. Watch out for Euclid on the way out."

I walked out of Marco's house, unharmed by the poodle that he hates so much. Personally, I think Marco is just exaggerating when he says that Euclid is evil. I saw her asleep on the sofa on my way out, and she looked pretty much peaceful.

It was on my way home that things started to get really, really weird. Suddenly, I had the feeling that somebody was stalking me, as indicated by a figure which kept on darting from tree to tree.

At first, I presumed it was Marco. He was probably trying to play some sort of prank on me and brag about it to the others the next day.

But my theory changed when I caught a glance of this figure from behind my shoulder. It was a girl. That, or Marco had grown a pony-tail. Which I hoped he hadn't.

I continued to walk along like normal, until I realized whoever this girl was, she wasn't going to be going away any time soon.

Being a bit hesitant about asking her why on earth she was stalking me, I started to consider what the possibilities were that this was a Yeerk trap. But then again...why would they? Why would the Yeerks send one lone girl to stalk me? If they knew who I was, then they would have sent armies of Hork-Bajir instead.

Since I was now set on a decision, I turned around.

The girl, who was in the middle of a transition from behind one tree to another, stopped. Her face displayed a dear-in-the-headlights look.

"Why are you following me?" I asked bluntly. The girl didn't reply. She just stood there, with the same deadpan look until finally the looked turned into a giant grin.

By now, I was totally bewildered as to what she was smiling about. Heck, I probably didn't want to know.

"Are you going to answer or not?"

Unfortunately, she responded this time.

She screamed.

She charged.

And I ran for my life.


	3. Freaking Out Marco

Of Chess Pieces and Fan Girls

_Freaking Out Marco_

My name is Marco.

It was not long after Jake had left, and I was still attempting to beat that stupid blue car that continued to cheat and knock me off the road. Eventually, I gave up. Besides, I didn't need to prove myself to a stupid blue car. I was Marco! Everybody would love me, regardless.

I was about to change the video game disk to something more entertaining, when the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" My dad shouted from the living room. I heard him exchange a few words with whoever was at the door before saying, "Marco, one of your friends are here! Also, I have to go around the the supermarket to get groceries. You two be good."

So, Jake was back. He must have left something here then forgot all about it.

I waited in my room, trying to think of an excuse to tell his regarding why I hadn't beaten that stupid blue car already.

But when the door to my bedroom flung open, it wasn't Jake standing there. Instead, there was this rather tall, brunette girl.

"Who are you?" I demanded.

The girl was busy scoping out the room, until her eyes finally rested on me. And when they did, she screamed.

"OH MY GOSH! IT'S MARCOOOOOOOOOO!"

..What the...

The girl then ran at full speed towards me and gave me a dramatic jump-hug. Now, it wasn't that I didn't like getting hugged by a rather beautiful girl that I didn't even know. In fact, I loved it. But for a random girl to run into your room and scream her name at the top of her lungs...well, it all seemed too good to be true. Perhaps a little unusual, too.

"Yes, yes! The girls go crazy over Marco the Magnificent!" I said, though nervously panicking and wondering what on earth was going on at the same time.

The girl continued to cling onto me.

"Um...you can, you know, stop hugging me now."

The girl failed to budge. In the end, I had to shake her off. She got a goofy expression on her face and sighed.

"You're just like I always dreamed you would be."

Even though this was probably just some bizarre and random dream I would wake up from any second now, it was doing wonders for my self-confidence. So I decided; why not play along? This was _just _a dream, after all.

"So who are you?"

"I'm your fan girl!"

I had a fan girl? I was starting to really, really like this dream now.

"But that's not all! In my fanfic, you're my boyfriend, and you take me out to the most beautiful restaurants in town! And you buy me fancy jewelery! And that other girlfriend that you supposedly have at the end of the series, you dump her for me and -" Gee, that girl could talk. She said all of that without taking one single breath.

Wait...what was she...

"BOYFRIEND? FANFIC? SERIES?!" I exploded, "What on earth are you talking about?!"

Okay Marco, so let's recap. A random girl bursts into your room, screams your name, jump-hugs you, then starts saying you're boyfriend and girlfriend. Yes, this had to be a dream. There was no way this was real. But if it was... Oh man, Xena would be so jealous!

The girl blinked innocently. "Oooooh. This must be in the middle of the series."

"Series?! What series?"

"The world that you're living in now is really just a book series in my dimension, which you and your friends have tonnes of fan girls in and you are worshiped through fan fiction."

Wow. Um, okay. Book series. Well, I suppose this was just a dream, so I was only dreaming that the dimension I was living in was a book series. Right. No need to panic. But what was fan fiction?

"My name is Linda-Sue," introduced the girl. She grinned a carefree, Rachel grin. "And let's do something insane!"

Oh no.


	4. Panicking Cassie

**A/N: Thank you everyone for your kind reviews! I'm overwhelmed by all your comments, and I'm so glad you're enjoying the story. This chapter is a Cassie chapter. Mainly because I'm not particularly fond of writing from her point of view, and I wanted to get it over with. But still, I hope you like it! When you're finished, please give me feedback by reviewing! It'll make my day!**

Of Chess Pieces and Fan Girls

_Panicking Cassie_

"I'm gonna jump! I will!" Amy-Sue screamed at the top of her lungs as she stood on top of one of the wooden beams high in the rafters of the barn.

"No! Don't!" I screamed back from my place on the ground, "Amy-Sue, you have so much to live for!"

My name is Cassie. By now, you're probably wondering what on earth is going on. Well, maybe I should start from the beginning, before all mayhem broke loose and I had to talk an insane girl out of jumping off one of the high wooden beams. But let me warn you, you're not going to believe what I'm about to tell you.

The day started off as any other Yeerk-free Saturday would. Rather uneventful. Like always, I went about my chores. Mainly just replacing bandages. Dad had the day off today, so he agreed to clean the cages for me. Rachel had somehow found out about this, and persuaded me to go shopping with her.

Actually, she didn't persuade me. It was more like forcing. Like, "You're coming shopping with? Yeah? Okay." I don't really like shopping. But nobody should ever tell Rachel that. She'll rip your head off. The particular argument she uses is, "Cassie, you need clothes which aren't cover in bird poop. Let's go shopping." Rachel must consider herself queen of the mall or something...Me? Well, I'm just happy wearing bird poop.

Like I was saying, it started off as a nice, normal Yeerk-free day. But if being an Animorph has taught me one thing, that would be that no day is ever normal. At least not for long, anyway.

I was busy bandaging away on the wing of a goose. The poor thing had been hit by a truck awhile back. Luckily, he was expected to make a full recovery. I had just put the goose back in the cage when...

_BAM! _

The doors to the barn slammed open, and in marched a girl. And the sad thing was, I didn't even know her. She had long, wavy auburn hair and was wearing a T-Shirt which was advertising some rights for animals organization.

At first, I thought she might actually be somebody from animal rights. But my view was quick to change.

When she spotted me, she gasped. "Cassie Green?"Green? Did I look green?

"Um... sorry?"

"Because Green is your last name, isn't it? It is? I just knew it!" The girl jumped a let out a short squeal of excitement. Something told me that it wasn't a good idea to correct her. I don't know why. There was just something nagging me in the back of my mind, saying it would be a bad idea.

"Who are you, then?"

The girl grabbed my hand and shook it vigorously. "Amy. Amy-Sue. I'm like, your biggest fan!"

My...fan? What was she talking about? I hadn't done anything to deserve fan girls. At least, not that I could remember. So, I decided to ask her. All that I could pray would be that she wouldn't take it the wrong way.

"Why?"

"You're kidding, right?" She asked, "Because you're Cassie Green!"

What's with the green?

Amy-Sue continued on, "You're the one who has inspired me, the one that I worship. Heck, even the one I write fan fiction about. Want to read the raunchy Cassie/Jake one-shot I wrote?"

The words took a few seconds to register in my mind. Raunchy, one-shot, JAKE?! I mean...I like Jake. As in...really like. But something definitely told me that I did _not _want to hear what this girl wrote. Better question, how does she even know about Jake? And who exactly is she?

"No thank you," I said as politely as I could without cracking under the nervousness, " I -"

Amy-Sue interrupted me, "But you have to!" she protested, "My one-shot is completely awesome. It's R-Rated, so FF removed it a few times. But I assure you, its all good stuff."

R-Rated? So this girl just thought she could write an inappropriate piece of writing about Jake and I and publish it? Who does she think she is? Who is she?

"No...I'm fine. Really."

"READ IT!"

"No."

"READ IT!"

"No."

Amy-sue let out a long, angry scream and clawed at her own hair. She then started climbing up the stacked bails of hay, trying to make her way up to the wooden beam in the rafters.

"Wait, what are you doing?" I demanded and quickly ran after her, "Don't climb up there! You'll get hurt!"

She ignored me and stood tall on the wooden beam. "Read it! Read it or I jump!"

"No!" I pleaded, "please, don't jump!"

"Then read it!"

You know, normally I would have chosen the life of a living creature over anything in the world. But I wasn't sure what evils were contained in this "one-shot" that she was speaking of. I was deeply afraid that whatever was in it, it would scar me for life. Its funny how one simple piece of literature is threatening to make me re-think my morals and standards that I have lived by my entire life.

"Don't jump!" I pleaded hysterically. Even though she was a possibly insane girl which I had only met a couple of minutes ago, I didn't want her killing herself. If she knew who Jake was...if she knew who _we _were, then I would have to forget about that for now. First things first.

"I'm gonna jump! I will!" Amy-Sue screamed at the top of her lungs once more.

"No! Don't!" I screamed back from my place on the ground, "Amy-Sue, you have so much to live for!"

It was a desperate lie. I mean, somebody who spends their life writing about me for some unknown reason must not be living a very glamorous life. But that didn't mean she had to take her own life!

Amy-Sue was about to say something when...

_BAM!_

The doors of the barn swung open again. In trotted a very angry looking Jake, his eyes red and bloodshot. And clinging to him was...a girl? A girl was clinging to _my _Jake!

Jake looked up at me. His face looked worn and exasperated, making him look a good twenty years older.

"Cassie," he said;

"_We have a problem."_


	5. Proposing to Ax

Of Chess Pieces and Fan Girls

_Proposing to Ax_

My name is Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill.

Human technology is awful and primitive. These include artificial skin and hooves, bombs, and

potato peelers. There are, however, some inventions which are way ahead of time.

Television. Glorious, wondrous, television. I would give up a whole tray cinnabon for what Marco calls a "plasma screen." According to Marco, the "plasma screen" transports you to a land where teams of humans are fighting over an uneven, oval shaped ball. Though I am rather skeptical. I do not believe humans are capable of creating such an amazing device. But if so, I wonder if it would be possible that I could tune this "plasma screen" so I could go into a commercial advertise the glorious cinnabon.

My _shorm,_ Tobias, was sitting in a branch in a tree and watching the TV. I did not worry that he would not able to see from such a distance. Hawks have excellent vision. But still...Andalite vision is better. I have been a bird similar to a hawk, and though the vision is better than a humans, it is frustrating not being able to see in all directions at once.

We had just finished watching a commercial about a liquid full of artificial colors and flavorings, when Tobias tilted his head to the side.

(Is something wrong, Tobias?) I asked.

(Somebody's coming. They're about a minute away. I can't believe I didn't notice them until now.)

(It is okay Tobias,) I said, (I too was occupied by the flashing images of the television set.)

So we both began moving, as not to come in contact with whoever or whatever was pursuing us. We had taken not even two steps when...

"OH MY GOSH! IT'S MY LITTLE AXIMILI-SHMILLY!"

(What the -?) Tobias muttered, just as confused as I was.

I spun around, whipping my tail as I went until it came inches away from the throat of the creature.

The creature was just a human female. But possibly a controller. I was suddenly very worried.

(That's impossible!) Tobias protested, (A few seconds ago, she was ages away! There is _no _way she could have traveled that distance in that amount of time! Unless...)

(Visser Three!) I shouted.

The human female, which Tobias and I were now convinced was Visser Three, didn't even panic.

"You wouldn't hurt me, my little Axy Waxy. No you wouldn't!" she cooed.

Tobias muffled a laugh, (Axy Waxy?)

(I have changed my mind,) I said, (this is definitely _not _Visser Three.)

The girl suddenly stepped down onto one knee. My tail blade automatically transferred itself an inch from her throat. I was astounded by the foolishness of this Yeerk. Surely they would know not to make any sudden movements like that, when face to face with an Andalite.

(Don't move any more, Yeerk.)

"Oh, silly little Axyfwuffle. You can't hurt me."

I hated the certainty and cockiness of this Yeerk. Did it have back up hiding in the nearby, waiting to ambush us?

The Yeerk/Human, still down on one knee, suddenly reached behind its back and pulled out a strange looking flower and held it to me.

(What on earth is she doing?) Tobias asked in private thought speech.

(I do not know,) I admitted.

"Oh Aximili, I offer you today the _shorathpili _flower, as I perform the ancient ceremony of _derthi mahak_ to you."

(_Derthi Mahak,_) Tobias repeated, (What is it, some kind of Andalite ceremony?)

(It is no ceremony I have ever heard of.)

"ANSWER ME!" screeched the girl, who was still on one knee.

(I do not understand you, Yeerk. You speak as if you are making up languages and rituals of your own.)

"_Derthi Mahak_ is real!" she protested stubbornly, "It is, because I mentioned it in my fanfic. It's a real Andalite word! Now MARRY ME!"

There was a sudden thud as Tobias's body dropped from the branch and landed on the ground.

(Tobias!) I called. This... controller. She must have done something to him! I forgot about the girl, and turned and ran to where Tobias was on the ground.

(Tobias, can you hear me?)

Tobias kept on making wheezing noises. What was wrong with him!?

(Tobias!)

He continued to make the same wheezing noise. Until finally I realized Tobias was not in pain at all. He was laughing.

(Oh man,) Tobias managed to get out between his laughter, (Oh man. You know, I'm totally aware that this is by far the most strangest thing I have ever seen and this is probably some kind of life threatening and identity threatening situation, but I really don't care at the moment.)

Now knowing that Tobias was okay, I turned back towards the girl.

(Who are you?) I demanded.

"Your future bride!" announced the human happily, "Oh, and your fan girl, Kelly-sue. Marry me my little Axyshmacksy, and you can _hereth_ my _illint._"

(Excuse me, I can what -?!)

It was this day that I discovered that there was a force more evil than Crayak in this

universe – Kelly-Sue.

Throughout all this, Tobias continued to just lie there and laugh. And be rather unhelpful.

(Oh, in the name of the dark moon,) I muttered, (Tobias, can't you see the seriousness of this situation?)

Tobias snorted in thought speech, something that seemed really out of character for him. (Yeah Ax. You have a fan girl. Totally life threatening. Maybe it will kill us all from laughter.)

I was angry at my _shorm _for to being able to see how serious this was. It was almost as if this creature which calls herself Kelly-Sue had done something to Tobias, which blinds his senses of what is serious and what is not. It did not matter though, because suddenly...

"SQUEE! IT'S TOBIAS!"

There was a long silence.

(...Crap.)


	6. Glomping Tobias

_Chapter 6 – Glomping Tobias._

Glomp.

I had never knew that such a word existed, let alone what it meant. But I was about to find out.

You see, only a matter of minutes ago, a random girl appeared asking Ax to marry her. This was far beyond unusual, and just slightly hilarious too. As life-threatening as the situation was, I honestly didn't care. Weirder things had happened to us Animorphs....Okay, so maybe not. But like I was saying, besides the whole "getting exposed to the Yeerks by a fan girl" thing, it was actually quite funny.

Until _my_ fan girl turned up.

"SQUEE! It's Tobias!"

...

((Crap.))

All of a sudden, a colorful mass ran out from the bushes. It was yet another girl. Except this one was dressed in a bird costume.

I was embarrassed for both of us at that moment, even if she wasn't.

She looked up into the tree and spotted me.

"TOBIASSSSSSSSSSSSS!" she screamed in a girlish manner, and began jumping up and down, trying to reach me. "LET ME GLOMP YOUUUUU!"

"Mira-Sue!" Screeched Kelly-Sue, Ax's fan girl, "Where have you been? You were supposed to meet me in Sue-Doom an hour ago to we could squee over Tobias and Ax together!"

((Sue-Doom?)) I asked, perplexed.

((Squee?)) Asked Ax, equally as puzzled.

"It's not my fault!" protested Mira-Sue, "besides, I wasn't the one who published that _Cargo Shipping_ fic on the Animorphs section a few months back!"

"Leave me and my little Axyfwuffle alone! You're just jealous because I got twenty reviews!"

"Yeah, all telling you that you had awful grammar, spelling, and that Ax/Aerosol Can fics were never meant to be!"

((Excuse me, what is going on?)) I asked cautiously.

"My little McAxy will stand by me!" claimed Kelly-Sue, "I'll prove it!"

"RUN TOBIASS!!!!" screamed Mira-Sue. I had decided that though she wasn't exactly sane, she wasn't as ludicrous as Ax's fan girl, Kelly-sue. "Kelly-Sue is about to read a fic that will doom us all!" She jumped up and down, trying desperately to reach me. Unfortunately for her, I was pretty far up in the tree.

Suddenly, a laptop appeared in front of Kelly-Sue, who was now comfortably sitting on the ground.

((That is impossible!)) Ax protested, ((Inanimate objects simply do not appear out of air itself!)) He was certainly right. Random objects appearing out of nowhere did seem a bit too strange, even for us Animorphs.

Mira-Sue shrugged, and seemed happy to answer Ax's question. "Anything is possible when you have Sue-Powers. Kelly-Sue can make random objects appear; and when she speaks, you can actually hear the misspellings in her words!"

Kelly-Sue cleared her throat and began reading off whatever was on the screen of the laptop.

"Axy Wuvs Canny," by AxXKelly4eva."

"when marco brings an airosole can back to the scoop, axyshmoo falls in luv!" OCxAxy fluff."

Ax seemed shocked and astounded by the description of Kelly-Sue had given us. ((Are you, human, suggesting that in this piece of literature that I am in love with...Marco!?))

"No," said Mira-Sue, "not in this one. You would be surprised how many Ax/Marco fics are out there, though."

((This is preposterous!)) complained Ax, ((Why would I, an intelligent Andalite, fall in love with a human?!))

"I think it's silly too," agreed Mira-Sue, who had seemed to have calmed down within the last five minutes. "I only believe in canon pairings."

"Screw canon pairings!"

"Tobias and Rachel forever!"

"Canon pairings can die!"

"Live!"

The two looked as if they were about to pummel each other in. As much as I would have liked it that they both just disappeared from existence, I didn't want to really be the one to explain to Jake why fan girl guts would be lying in Ax's scoop. Besides, I was curious. So I did the wisest thing I could – I broke up the fight.

((Okay, that's enough!))

"YES TOBIASSSSSSSSSEH!" shouted Mira-Sue happily, and she spun around obediently to face towards me.

I noticed Ax was trying to make a run for it. Kelly-Sue saw him break off into a run at the last minute, and followed him in a sprint, screaming all the way, "Wait my little Axssy-issythil! You haven't accepted my marriage proposal yet!"

((So Mira-Sue, what kind of powers do you have?))

Mira-Sue thought about it for a moment. "Well, I can fly," she said thoughtfully. You wouldn't believe how silly that looked. A fan girl in a bird costume saying she could fly.

A snap or realization swept across Mira-Sue's face, and I instantly regretted my decision to ask her what powers she had.

She leaped.

She flew.

And I got _glomped._

**A/N: Poor Tobias, getting glomped and all D; Anywho, I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Feel free to comment/review etc.**

**Just an update on how everything is going. The next chapter of As If By Magic is being beta-read. The next chapter of The Visser Humiliation Club hasn't been started on yet, but I have a plot idea. Also, I'm sorry if I have been slow replying to any body's reviews/review people's stories. It's been a busy week for me. So I'll try to get around to the whole reviewing thing soon. Next chapter is Rachel's! Wish me luck that I don't fail and make her too hostile!**


	7. Bestfriending Rachel

**A/N: Gah, and here's the Rachel chapter you've all been waiting for. I absolutely can not wright Rachel. I think I made her extremely out of character, and did an awful job. But you tell me what you think. Oh yes, and for anybody wondering, I am aware that bestfriending isn't a real word ;D I just couldn't think of anything that would would suite this chapter as well.**

_Bestfriending Rachel_

Rushing stampedes. Summer sales. Fifty-percent off mall-wide.

I was so there.

My name is Rachel.

And right now I was in the middle of a very tough decision on whether I could go to the new Guess store, or scope out The Gap. Either way, I was going to have some serious shopping time. Especially with the hundred bucks in my pocket. Babysitting has it's rewards in the end, I guess.

Everybody was going for Guess. Must be some good deals. Without a second thought, I joined the stampede, pushing and shoving my way to the front. Nobody was going to beat me.

As the stampede entered the door, I spotted them. Sitting on the stand, with some kind of imaginary light illuminating from them, were the most awesome pair of shoes _ever. _Not a single pair of shoes I have owned could have ever lived up to what was in front of me.

I made a dive for them, before any of my fellow shoppers discovered them. The exact same second that my hands closed around them, so did another. I looked up to see my competitor. She was about my age, and surprisingly looked a lot like me. Just, minus the hideous dress she was wearing.

I snarled, hoping the girl would get the message and back off. She didn't.

"I saw them first," I growled, "So let go, and nobody gets hurts."

The girl was about to reply with some weak comeback, when she stopped herself. Her eyes widened and she stared and me in some weird, blank way. I ceased the moment, and yanked the shoes out of her hands.

"Thanks, bye."

"You're Rachel."

I turned around. "What did you call me?"

"Rachel." The girl gasped, but then her astonished expression turned into a cheesy grin, "You're Rachel."

"I think we've already clarified that," I said, and was about to make my way to the counter when Hideous Dress Girl interjected once more. With a loud, girlish scream.

"What is your problem?!" I demanded. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the queue at the cashier was getting longer and longer by the second.

"Give me five, gal friend!" She held her hand up high, as if she expected me to high five her or something. Of course, I didn't. Who on earth was this girl, and _why _did she have to bug me during my mall-time?

"Cut the crap. Who are you, already?"

"Dang girl, you don't recognize your own best friend forever?!"

"I know who my best friend is, and it certainly isn't you."

"Oh, forget about Cassie! She isn't even worth the trouble!"

How...how did she know about Cassie? Was she some kind of stalker? I wasn't planning on staying around her long enough to find out. For her sake, I hoped she backed off before she really made me angry.

I turned and headed for the cashier. This time, my so-called best friend forever didn't follow me. Perhaps she wasn't as stupid as I thought she was.

After I had paid for my awesome pair of Guess shoes, I made my way towards the exit of the mall. My wallet had gotten enough of a workout for one day.

And, what would you know, just as I was a few steps away from exiting the mall, Hideous Dress Girl stepped in front of me.

"Oh Rachel," she said, just as I was contemplating whether I should ram her over and be done with it already. "I've read all your books! You're the most awesome, coolest, powerful-est, super duper coolest girl evarrz! I've like, read all off your books! And once, I wrote this piece of fanfiction, and we were best friends. And we did _everything _together! And we talked about boys! Also, we worked things out with Tobias! It turned out, in my fanfic, he didn't mind having two girlfriends at all!"

Nothing prepared me for what I was about to hear. Seriously, I would have been more prepared for the sky falling. I stood there, hating that I had let down my guard, but not knowing what to do or how to react to her sudden outburst.

Tobias? _Two _girlfriends? Nobody even jokes about that. I considered slapping her. But then I thought about what Jake would say. It would probably go some like, "Hey Rachel, I know you're upset. But take a moment to think about everything before you do something stupid."

But heck with it, Jake wasn't here.

My hand hit her cheek, with one powerful blow.

_Nobody _steals my boyfriend. Even...even if he is a hawk and is only human a few hours a week.

This is the freaky part. Her head recoiled. She stared at me, cracked her neck, and simply grinned. "Good thing my Sue-Power is that I can't feel pain," she said happily, "and that I can talk at speeds of the same rate that Garatron talk at. Want to hear?"

"No," I replied honestly.

This was seriously bad. This Yeerk/Andalite/Alien/Human/Whatever she was...it was like she knew all our secrets. I don't know how, or why. But with a big mouth like the one she had, out secrets weren't going to stay secret for long.

"Well that's okay! We can go and get face masks instead. Then, we can paint each other's nails, then, we can play truth or dare, oh, and then..."

Oh crap, this girl would just _not _shut up.

"Oh, and I'm Kat-Sue by the way. That's short for CopyKat-Sue. What was I saying? Oh yeah! After truth or dare, you can come back to Cassie's barn and meet all my Sue friends! Maybe we should do that first. Your friends are there right now! Last time I heard, Jackelyn-Sue super-glued herself to Jake."

And then, for once in my life, I was completely left without words.


End file.
